I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
