It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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