I need help removing her.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
