im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
