She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
