Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
