I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
