Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Boobs speak an international language.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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