As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
