So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
