Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
