I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
