Can i not drive my cunt home
I met the friendliest cop last night
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Randomize
