Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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