i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
