he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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