Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
