last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
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life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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