Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm too high and old for this...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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