Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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