He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
