my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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