Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize