Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
