Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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