hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
