Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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