my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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