Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
