It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
