I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
