After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i need some magic done to my vagina
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
