This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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