Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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