she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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