Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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