he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
