You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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