I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
