so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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