So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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