that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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