Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
