There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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