I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
