Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
