is wine microwaveable?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
