just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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