I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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