My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Randomize
