i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
