ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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