she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
