So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
