Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
