Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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