Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
