Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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