Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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