I think I am morally bankrupt
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
