Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
