Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
