When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
