I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
