Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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