epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
