do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
