My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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