I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
