how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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