eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
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Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
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I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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