he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
