Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
