i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
