Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I understand Curling. That high.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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