I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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