Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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